Have you ever been in the middle of a giant life storm? You get hit by everything all at once and you have no idea what to do, so you destroy everything around you thinking that will somehow fix your problems? I’ve been here many times during my 40 years… definitely during my 20’s. Any time something uncomfortable happened I was outta there, whether it was a relationship or a job, if I hit a snare, I was gone. “Thank you, next.” Hello new job, new boyfriend and bangs!
Commitment = Death. Right?
I thought commitment was limiting. I thought life was happening outside of me and not within me-so obviously changing what was around me or who I was dating would make me happy again, right? Not so much. Now that I’ve got a bit more life experience under my belt, I see how these are two sides of one dysfunctional coin: one side is staying in something that’s unhealthy for you way too long and being miserable or the other side, is causing so much change and disruption, you never get to see the beautiful fruit produced from being with something thru all its stages.
And by no means am I saying you should stay on your boat if you realize its sinking, falling apart or has lost all of its navigational abilities. What I am saying is that part of knowing yourself (and being a grownup) means knowing when to stay and do the work and knowing when its time to leave things behind that no longer serve you.
That Boat Looks Familiar
Another important thing to know, is that the time to change boats is when there is no storm and the waters are calm. Because then you can consciously choose that next thing you are going to. If you choose in the middle of the storm, you more than likely are going to find yourself flailing in the water and drowning or frantically jumping onto a new ship that you think is different, but its really the same model with a different paint job and you’re right back to where you started.
So if things feel a little crazy right now, its okay! Let yourself feel those feels and then do what you can to get back to calm waters- whatever that looks like for you! For me, that’s breathwork, meditation, yoga, writing, talking to my therapist, reaching out to my kick ass support system or even going on a walk.
Storms Aren’t Forever
The key is to come back to balance first. You probably aren’t thinking clearly yet and change happens best when done with a clear mind and clear intentions. Making a decision during a storm, more than likely will be unbalanced and emotional. The outcome might be something seemingly different, but it probably won’t produce what you’re really wanting. And remember, emotions, just like storms aren’t forever. They’ll pass and soon you’ll see the bigger picture. You’ll see your next small step forward and you’ll feel confident that your decision to stay and work on your boat or your decision to move on is the exact right choice for you.