When You Shut Down

Photo by Dimitry Zub on Pexels.com

There are times when we are connected, you are connected to you, connected to me

That is when you are truly with me, because you are with yourself

There are no walls and we are naked with one another

Then there are times when you go somewhere

I can’t find you

I can’t help you

I can’t heal you

I can’t make you love the dark parts of yourself that make you do the things you hate most about yourself

I can’t put the words into your head to make you believe you are worth so much more than you are seeing right now

And in the past, I would have chosen to disconnect from myself

To join you, to be with you…to share your pain… to show my love

To punish myself for your absence

But I’m not going to do that anymore

I am going to hold space for you to go through whatever you going through

But I’m not going to make that about me

I choose to stay connected to myself

My joy

My worth

And I don’t know if

Or when you’ll climb back out

But finally realizing that I don’t have to follow

Is my freeing moment

That the best thing I can do for you

Is not to abandon myself

To not place my value upon a wobbly chair

But on the throne in my own heart

My own heart that will shine and beat long after we’ve lived these lives and the next

With or without you

 Just like one day, you will learn to choose yourself every day

In every moment

With or without me

Published by Lorena Gregory

Kansas City local, writer, proud pet, plant and art owner, lover of things that matter, sunshine, music and books. I'm a curious, optimistic person who cares big and laughs loud.

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