How to Begin

The Unsolvable Questions

How do you solve a problem that feels so big that it feels unsolvable? How do you heal a heart that seems so broken, so utterly lost? Why is there so much hate, fear and shame? Why are we so afraid of each other? Why do we run away from the unknown? Why hasn’t everyone yet figured out that we are all inter-connected? That we will be, always have been and are in this very moment, one? And how does one embrace and heal the loneliest, ugliest and darkest parts of ourselves? How do we, as self-aware, caring humans embark upon the grand mass scale healing of not just our country, but of our entire planet? My first thought is, well I have no fucking clue.

Big Picture Paralysis

I don’t know about you, but I suffer from a condition called big picture thinking. It’s a blessing because it allows me to embrace my lofty ideals and unending optimism, but it also is a curse, because sometimes my ideas are so grand that I become paralyzed because the first step towards what I want isn’t always visible.

In those times I have to remind myself to remember what I do know-which is to stop, to breathe and to start small. I have to look for what is right in front of me, because that’s the only thing I have control over.

Focus on The Controllable

I can’t fight tomorrow’s battle today and yesterday’s battle has already passed. And this is so tough, because everything seems so insane and out of control. From my personal experience, when we feel out of control is when we start to become critical, judgmental and controlling. Which may on the outside appear that we have some semblance of power over our lives, but guess what? We don’t. Which sucks. The only thing we can control is ourselves.

As far as I am aware, I am in control of these things: how I speak to myself and others, what I consume (what I buy, eat, read, watch, etc…) how I react or respond to my emotions and the events in my life, whether or not I choose to have healthy boundaries and whether or not and how I choose to be vulnerable and let people in, someone in…how I take care of my body, if I exercise and move it, how I choose to dress and express myself, whether I choose to be responsible for my actions, my choices, whether I admit when I am wrong, whether I celebrate what is right, whether I keep my heart open and create space, sure as hell who and what I vote for and whether or not I decide to listen to that little voice inside me that says “hmm…that doesn’t feel right” and explore it. So, wow! Its turns out, I actually have control over a lot of things. I can control my actions, my heart…my mind and feel in control of those things to the degree that I am self-aware and in the moment.

Beautifully Stubborn

The world is totally beautiful and totally insane. We can make laws, proclamations and guidelines and hope that because of societal norms and moral compasses that we’ll all follow, but the truth is that people will always do whatever in the heck they want to do. And I know this, but I too, no matter how flexible and open I think I might be…am stubborn. And guess what? So are you! Its just that we are all inflexible about entirely different things. So, the question is, how on a large scale, do we get people to elevate their “want to do” to something that is for the greater good of all and vibrates on a higher level?

Feel the Vibrations? It’s Your Choice

The only answer can be is to raise our own individual frequencies to that higher level. And how do we do that? Honestly and simply, by asking yourself the question. Will that book raise my vibration? Will that delicious fried chicken sandwich raise my vibration? Will arguing with that internet troll on Facebook raise my vibration? Will asking for a hug or petting that dog raise my vibration? Will going outside and breathing fresh air, letting my feet touch the grass and feeling the sunlight on my face raise my vibration? Its all in your choices my friend. You choose heaven or hell all day. You choose to ride the wind of inspiration or to let is pass you by. I woke up this morning at 5:30 am with these thoughts swirling in my head, I could of said 5:30 am?! Are you kidding me? Or I could get up, make myself some coffee and slide back in bed to bring what’s in my head to paper. And I’m glad I did, because of it, I feel some sort of control in my life…at least for these few quiet moments with myself before the sun is up and the world is still fast asleep.

So right now, wherever you are, close your eyes, take a deep breath and do a quick inventory of what’s going on inside of you right now. Don’t judge it, just see what’s there. Maybe its anger, sadness…maybe its hope or excitement…maybe you want a snack or sex, who knows, the important thing is that you get good at knowing you! All of you! All of the wonderful, beautiful, crazy parts of you. Because it all starts with you. We heal this bonkers world with you.

And you might not see it, but I promise every time you show yourself kindness, every time you choose love, every time you stop and look at that bug or that sunset, or feel that song with your soul, you are making a deposit into the greater vibrational energy and fabric of our existence. So pray, meditate, chant, knit, walk…whatever your thing is, do it! Practice embracing each other (maybe not literally because of covid), do that shadow work, bake that bread, wear those cozy pants, hell-don’t even wear pants, do it all and do it consciously!

The Darkside and My Reflection

Any yes, it may seem dark, really dark at times, but all this is coming to the surface because we as a humanity are ready to look at it and heal it. We can no longer pretend that these parts of us do not exist. We can can’t pretend that our crazy, racist, drunk and abusive uncle isn’t at the end of our table. We’ve got to surrender to the fact that he is very much a part of our family. And I’m sorry, I wish we could just send all the bad people in the world on a bus and send them to the moon (I think we already tried that with Australia, but that didn’t work did it? Lol) but in the end, that’s not the answer. We have to search deep, waaay deep down inside to see what his presence is showing us about ourselves. And possibly, am I sometimes in some ways this belligerent drunk uncle? How do I name him when he shows up to my table? And can I choose to practice non-violent communication with him and say “what I hear you saying is that you are afraid for our future and I too share that same fear.” We are all afraid and right now we are experiencing a type of trauma we’ve never experienced before and we are all FREAKED OUT!

The Sweet Sound of Surrender

What I think, is that we are all being called to do right now is to admit it. To surrender. To say God (or who or whatever your higher power is) I give up! I can’t pretend to control or carry the world any longer. I am Atlas and I am shrugging. In fact, I am putting this whole world down, its too heavy, no thanks! These are now (and always have been) your problems, so I’ll let you handle them. Help me to see what my real problems are. What tasks are actually before me each day and each moment. Help me to know what choices bring me closer to you and to the world, the existence I believe and know is somehow possible. And help me to trust that though I may not see it, that every time I choose love, that it sends ripples out into the universe affecting everything it touches.

So I pray for each and every one of you who are out there doing the work, who are trying and making mistakes and getting right back up again, those of you picking and choosing your battles every day. May you always choose those battles worth fighting and may you know that the greatest of weapon of all is love.

All is well ❤